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Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

when you were a child: the question of the week. Wednesday is the day that you ask the question of the week. This section is that we will propose a question for you to give us your answers and go over the answers you have given to the question last week, highlighting the most valued by readers.

In babies and have spoken many times of co-sleeping, ie, bed sharing parents and children. This custom, which is the way we sleep our closest relatives in the animal kingdom and how that has been dormant for millennia and is still sleeping in many cultures, rejection occurs in our society, and parents who choose this way to relax with your family, sometimes suffer environmental pressures or negative comments.

However, as I said, co-sleeping is as old as mankind and also, many of us could sleep with our parents when we were little.

Precisely our question of the week will be about this:

¿Were Sleeping with your parents as a child?

Starting today and throughout the week can go by answering this question in the Answers section and next Wednesday will discuss the interventions voted or more interesting. Remember that if you respond in this post we can not collect what you to write it, in the link of the question.

The performance of a child in the classroom is linked to how physically active you are, say scientists in the Netherlands. Researchers at VU University Medical in Amsterdam, conducted a review of previously published studies on this link. In total the 14 studies reviewed involved more than 12,000 children.
The research published in Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine (Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine) – found that exercise appears to increase in blood flow and oxygen to the brain. The authors stress, however, it is necessary to conduct more detailed and accurate studies to confirm this association. Dr. Amika Singh and his team wanted to analyze the relationship between physical activity and academic performance due to fears that the pressure to improve the skills of the children was driving to spend more time in the classroom and less time physical activities. For their review, researchers identified 10 observational studies and four intervention studies. Twelve of the studies had been conducted in the U.S., one in Canada and one in South Africa. The sample sizes ranged from 53 to about 12,000 participants aged between six and 18 years of age. The follow-up period ranged from eight weeks and more than five years. Two of the studies reviewed were classified as “high quality” say the authors. Oxygen to the brain Based on evidence from these studies, scientists found a “significant positive relationship” between physical activity and academic performance. This, they add, may be because exercise helps cognitive function by increasing oxygen flow to the brain. Physical activity also reduces stress and improves mood, which makes children more likely to perform better in the classroom. “Children who learn to participate in sports also learn to obey rules. This could mean they are more disciplined and better able to concentrate better during lessons,” said Dr. Singh. But he adds that it is necessary to conduct further studies to analyze the exact relationship between physical activity and academic performance. “People always ask, ‘How much exercise do I need to do to get an A?’. Do not know, but we would like to find out” says the researcher. He adds that “children should be physically active for at least one hour each day for health reasons. But it is also necessary to consider other factors such as what activities to do, when to do it and for how long.” As the authors note, none of the reviewed studies used an objective instrument for measuring physical activity. And many of the studies relied only on information provided by children or their parents about how much exercise they did. “It is necessary to carry out more high quality studies on the relationship between dose and response of physical activity and academic performance using valid and reliable instruments to analyze the relationship accurately” the authors conclude.

Some time ago at school asked my daughter a picture of the nuclear family to do a job. When she arrived with the commission did not find any difficulty and I started to look for, but I realized that we had almost none! The only one I found was more than a year old and when there are babies in the family a year note too.

Then I started thinking that I have a sort of trauma to the family photo because my mother would swell both now take me too can do the same with my children, but that is leaving me pictures of the whole family. Is that all wave Posera, look at the camera and try to get everyone out lanyard does not motivate me at all. In addition to the family leave should always ask someone else to take the picture and that I too complicated.

I know that if we do a “session” would be too uncomfortable, so that option is ruled out, so when I remember trying to take some timer, which encounter the same sort of funny, because one never knows when it will trigger the camera generates a kind of funny surprise.

Fortunately I have several friends who are always glued to their cameras and suddenly we take pictures, which are anyway the most beautiful, because they are much more spontaneous.

Why children / as do tantrums?

Children / as not create tantrums with intent to injure or annoy adults but are part of the process of adaptation. Tantrums may occur for several reasons: unfulfilled desires, ways to express anger and / or irritability, as a way to get something, among others.
Almost all young children have these episodes at times, especially between 2 to 3 years, and if they are good odds will decrease in intensity and frequency by 4 to 5 years.

Between 2 and 3 years, children / as they are in a developmental stage that started some independence from their parents and say “no” answers to their quest for autonomy. Often they want more independence than their skills and safety permit and know their limitations. They want to have control and make decisions, but they do not tolerate bad transactions and restrictions. Also do not know how to express their feelings verbally so externalize their anger or frustration by crying or withdrawal and sometimes tantrums.

While these expressions of emotion are not pleasant, we should not be regarded as dangerous or even useful for the development of the child, as they are an outlet for tensions, facilitating subsequent fatigue and sleepiness. Generally, upon awakening, be calm and pleasant mood. If you are sick, or there is too much tension between the people around you, the frustration can be restarted easily. Anxious children, the sick, temperamental, with little rest or stressed environments tend to have more frequent tantrums.

Why only make tantrums with her parents, and when someone else cares for good behavior?

The child / tantrums developed only in the presence of their parents or those close it is testing the existence of limits and rules, will not do with people who do not know. When your challenge goes too far and is restricted responds with a tantrum.
We must not think you want to consciously make life unpleasant and certainly their parents prefer not to strangers. This emotional outburst before our eyes, ironically, means that you have confidence in us.

How should I act a tantrum?

The most important thing is to stay calm. As parents are role models for our children and the extent to shout or react with anger will not make positive changes.
A quiet atmosphere helps to regain control and in particular take, hold or distracting comments like “look how cute the little bird” can avoid a major tantrum.

Common sense and humor are essential for the child to accept orders. “You’re going to swim” is not the same as “make a run to the bathroom.”
Avoid long and complicated explanations of the rules. Justify it to a small 2 or 3 years only serve to confuse you and not let you be clear about what things are essential and which are debatable. Growing up may be explained to the reasons for our rules in a brief and clear.

Should accompany the child to make something that will not do – for example, sorting toys – offers to help, which allows to verify compliance. This is particularly important if an order is related to child safety.
Each time you present the tantrum, leave, do not try to stop it, will aggravate the situation. When you are quiet explain why you can not get what you want.

Talk about the consequences this would entail using a referential language: “You can not play with matches because it could ignite and cause a fire that could cause you harm in your body” (the body while you show this description, children need lots of referential language).

Do not forget that the tantrum has some action and we are the audience, so if you move or leave the child alone for a few minutes understand that this remedy is ineffective and seek another.

The limits are essential because they provide certainty for children and reduce their anxiety levels. If you give in to demands, tantrums are reinforcing. You should always respond the same way in similar situations and all the adults in their environment should react the same.

We have to wait several “no” daily part of a child / a, it would be normal that we never challenged. We need to establish levels of importance to your wishes and our rules. There will be less serious situations in which it is desirable to get away with it, such as choosing clothes to leave even if we disagree. At other times, for example, when there is a risk, you can not do his will and if necessary will have to take firm but loving. We can not expect these facts to accept them immediately and we should be constant and patient acceptance until the desired behavior.
Limits does not mean punishment or fewer strokes or abuse.

Is it possible to avoid tantrums?

It is possible to avoid the appearance of all the tantrums and we should not feel guilty about it. This is the manifestation of emotions that the child must learn to manage and our role is to help in this task. Anyway, there are ways to reduce the frequency and / or severity of these:
A break of 15 to 20 minutes, even without sleep, can help. If the child resists useful lie next to him or read him a story, but should be avoided play or talk much.

Children / parents as excessively strict or permissive tend to have more tantrums, being better the situation of those children of parents with moderate approach in the discipline. This seems useful to consider limits on important things and leave other areas of autonomy in small amounts. As a general principle is considered beneficial to establish a few rules or limitations only in fundamental ways, but be very consistent with them.

Considered a taboo subject for parents at all latitudes, research shows that it unconsciously all tend to favor one child over the rest of his brothers. We speak of a strong tradition favoring evolutionary and not operating the same for parents than for mothers.

THE two young sons Claudio (45) inexhaustible play around: jump, fight, throw earth and compete to see which of them achieves first call the attention of the father. But Claude does not stop talking about his eldest son, Paul, who just happened to second year of Medicine and has become the “pride” of the family. “It was always the scholar Paul, is the largest and sets an example for her younger siblings … Since then, children, sosiéguense” says the father, this time with a more energetic.

“Favorite of Paul? Nah, not at all “adds Claudio blunt when asked rigor, and thereafter, it launches a long theory about the love of parents for their children, that children will always be all equal and that differences, if any, is because children are different. What do you think? Do you have a favorite child? Chances are that your answer, like that of Claudius, is not. Because without that we realize even the parents of this little “white lie” in all cultures and latitudes parents try to hide their feelings either by favoring the eldest son, the youngest, the only girl or boy of the family.

Research clarifies that it is perfectly normal for you or I have a favorite child, is an evolutionary mechanism that ensures the survival of which have better opportunities. It joins a number of situations involving the transfer of our genes to the next generation. Birth order, if you are male or female, and even the appearance of favoritism influence that parents get to develop for any of their children. But studies also warn that favoritism has consequences that mark both the favorite son and the brothers.

Hidden preference
A recent study by the University of California, Davis, continued for three years a group of nearly 400 brothers and their parents. Everyone had to answer questions about the relationship with their children but also their reactions were recorded on video during the investigation.

65% of mothers and 70% of parents showed a preference for a son, figures are low when you consider that the parents tried to hide their preferences when they were interviewed or were being filmed by the investigator, says the same study. Jeffrey Kluger, author of The Sibling Effect: what bonds the brothers and sisters Among reveal about us, he even noted in the text that “95% of parents have a favorite son and the other 5% lie.” The children, he adds, they also know this and therefore it is not surprising that from small to compete with his brothers to gain the attention of parents, as shown by the children of Claudius, that continue to sabotage the father as she recounts the achievements of his eldest son.

The evolutionary factor

Some researchers suggest that the preference for one of the children has a strong evolutionary roots. The professor of zoology at the U. Oklahoma, Douglas Mock, for example, indicates that the species of animals have multiple children every time the females are pregnant, because this ensures that at least one will survive to pass on the genes of the parents. Therefore, from birds to mammals discarded the weak and concentrate efforts on raising the strongest. “Although human beings are rational, evolutionary basic impulses are the same, even though we failed to recognize them,” said Mock.

Another feature that we unconsciously lead us to prefer one child over another is beauty. No wonder when “senile”, the first adjective that parents often use to define your favorite puppy is not fast, intelligent or understanding: the child is “cute, soooo cute.”

At the University of Redlans, California, psychologist Catherine Salmon has spent years researching the dynamics of relationships in families. The specialist explained that there was a preference of parents for children with finer features, very similar to that detected as studies that indicate that the most handsome have better jobs and earn more money. “Beauty is an indicator of health and intelligence that operates at an unconscious level,” he explains.

Birth Order

Another factor that strongly affects the research shows is the order of birth and gender. Research published by the same Salomon in the journal Human Nature in 2009 concluded that in most cases the mother’s favorite candidates are the first-born males, and the father are the youngest daughters. The study included questionnaires to more than 200 men and women between 18 and 35 years with families of at least three children.

The research found an unexpected relationship to explain the parental favoritism, men and women tend to value traits they consider themselves to their gender in their children of the opposite sex. Thus, repeated that older children showed mothers favorite features of sensitivity over their brethren. In the case of parents was similar, the favorite daughter used to display features such as: strong character, independence and academic success. This is a factor that experts have called “reproductive narcissism.” Biologically, the reproduction is an act narcissistic to replicate ourselves. And it is this factor which ultimately explains the bias.

Other studies suggest that the eldest son receives the same attention that has an only son, why exhibit many features in common, while the youngest son became a favorite because parents no longer have to devote resources and attention to a youngest child.

Footprints for life

But this favoritism parental leave footprints in the strong personality exhibiting adult children. Salomon’s study, for example, found that middle children tend to build stronger relationships with friends than with family compared to older and younger children. Similar thing happened with the relationships: they tended to have better marriages and dating her favorite brother.

In his book The Favorite Child, Ellen Weber reveals that the favorite children also have greater security and leadership position, but once they leave the parental home at risk of not being very empathetic and have a low tolerance for failure.

As she explains, overprotection and the continued support of parents generate emotional shortcomings favorite sons. In other words, grow up thinking they can have anything they want without suffering consequences for it. The expert gives an example of Bill Clinton’s favorite son who did not measure the consequences of his affair with a student slips into practice while he was President

Education is one of the most peaceful challenges rob parents, it is in their hands the formation of a human being, and what he learns at home will help you to function socially. Making mistakes is part of this process, says psychologist Annie Acevedo in his book The good upbringing. The expert also explains that several factors as the child’s personality, genetics and circumstances of each parent. The most important thing is that this experience unique and enjoyable as the parents learns from mistakes without getting the blame. Certainly a child form is not an easy process, but there are aspects that, in identifying, help in the task. The family and childhood psychologists Maria Elena Lopez and Maria Carolina Sanchez Torín identify the main mistakes people make in raising children. The most common behaviors Rewarding children’s successes should be recognized to make them feel capable.However, reward for studying or doing activities that are expected to do, it is their duty; they will always expect something in return. Punishment is not key concept of punishment is sent to collect. Show them their mistakes and the consequences of their actions. No fair, in any way, hit it or make you feel incompetent or inferior. Do not give them autonomy Children should have obligations according to their age, such as picking up toys, making beds or keep the shoes. But if they are made and give them all grow as an arm of the parents. Do not spend time despite strenuous work schedule, spending time with children is imperative, not elected, because they need their family to know them and know their tastes and interests. Call them by phone and get involved in school activities. They are overprotective parents not allow children to learn through exploring the world. The frustration in parenting support. Teach them that there is the word ‘no’. Do not confuse them with everything they need all they want. Asking overstretched more than they should, they are frustrated or if they compare and belittle making them feel incompetent, they are not given targets and will generate guilt for not responding to what their parents expect of them. No respect Despite being parents, this gives them no right to interfere in their lives and treat them as beings who do not believe or do not have discretion.Although decisions are made for them, their opinions are important and intimacy.Being inflexible lack of discipline is as damaging as not to set standards. Discipline is guiding children so they know what is right or wrong. Consistency, consistency (practice what is required) and persistence key. Being a bad model you cannot teach the youngster to be honest if you pass the red light. Adults are not always right, so in addition to lead by example, is important to listen to small and give opinion and participation. Authoritarianism establishes authority at home is not to be inflexible and strict. Children to recognize the power of parents is given to a process that is built with a loving and firm. Make reasonable demands.